Most folks who use the Internet know of a website called YouTube, where anyone can post a video for the rest of the world to see. One of YouTube's most popular video clips ever is titled "Charlie bit my finger ... again!" In the clip two small brothers, 1 and 4 years old, sit together in a large chair. The action consists of the younger boy, Charlie, biting brother Harry's finger, and the resulting exchange between the two.

Here's a recap:

The boys are relaxed and happy.

Baby Charlie, playing with Harry's hand, gently bites a finger. Both boys chuckle.

Then Harry, with a "let's see what happens" expression, deliberately puts another finger into Charlie's mouth.

Charlie begins to bite down.

Harry's face and voice register the initial sensation, surprise and consternation as pressure grows, distress and a loud wail of appeal to Charlie as it becomes too much.

Charlie lets go, and Harry addresses him indignantly, saying "That really hurt!"

Charlie giggles as Harry sits still for 7 or 8 seconds of expressionless recovery.

Then Harry smiles sheepishly at the parent holding the camera, saying "Charlie bit me..." and turns once more to Charlie, explaining "and that really hurt, Charlie, and it still hurts."

Charlie, having a grand time throughout, leans over and tries to bite the blanket covering the boys' laps.

It is a very funny clip. But what captivates me most is the crystal clear display of emotion that plays across Harry's face, how freely and fully he expresses those emotions and lets them go, and the fact that despite the pain caused by his younger brother (who shows no remorse), Harry's goodwill and affection toward Charlie remain visibly intact. The whole thing is just 55 seconds long, but it's a beautiful example of how a healthy expression of emotion functions.

If we all felt that free to express our feelings we would most likely experience a huge decline in stress and a great surge in well-being. Unfortunately, we find ourselves in many situations where such honesty and freedom of expression are not welcome, and perhaps not safe. So we temper our expression and communication accordingly, suppressing much emotion in the process. And we don't only judge the so-called negative emotions - many of us don't feel comfortable expressing certain positive emotions either. Further, almost any display of too much emotion, positive or negative, is regarded as unseemly.

Imagine if we felt as restricted regarding what physical bodily movements were acceptable. It would be like walking around with our arms and legs bound to our bodies. We would clearly recognize such constant physical restriction as problematic. But it's easy to miss when it is happening on the emotional level because we are habituated to how it feels to suppress and avoid emotion.

All this leads, over time, to reduced awareness of what we are feeling in any given moment, and to what is sometimes called "stuck energy." We experience it as tension and stress. The link between stress and disease is well established in medical research and we know it is to our benefit to keep our stress levels low. One path toward less stress is to cultivate awareness of when we are limiting or shutting ourselves off from our feelings.

People with serious emotional problems are advised to get help from a qualified psychotherapist, but most of us can begin to bring our emotional-selves relief just by acknowledging our genuine feelings as best we can. This doesn't mean spewing them forth regardless of circumstances; we do live in the world we live in and need to be mindful of the impact we have on others and the potential consequences. We may sometimes need to make time in private for fully exploring our feelings. But simply removing all judgment from our emotion and being truly honest with ourselves about what we're feeling and how deeply we feel it is a powerful affirmation and validation of Self.

To see Harry's 55-second display of "emotional freedom" click here:
Charlie Bit My Finger

For more on the connection between emotions, stress and health see
Recommended Reading.

Return to Articles Page